Like this:

…For giving me the kick in the ass that I needed to take the time to make the post which follows!

Okay! Wow! First of all, many apologies for pretty much never updating this thing in 2010. I have to say, I have never, ever, ever worked so hard at school. Ever. Like, if I had put half the effort I am putting into this degree into my undergrad, I would have been made an honorary professor. Well, not really, but you know what I mean.

Soooo. Six months. Wow, right? Half a year. Two semesters. Longer than any relationship I’ve ever had (by a long shot). It doesn’t seem like it’s possible that I’ve been living here that long, and yet it seems I’ve been here forever. So I thought it would be fitting to create some sort of Glasgow retrospective. Brace yourself, because it’s probably going to be a bit random (I hadn’t planned on updating my blog, like, ever again [I'm half kidding] so I didn’t plan anything…also, it’s nearly 2am and I’ve been suffering some seriously effed sleeping patterns over the past couple of nights) but hopefully it will be somewhat enjoyable.

Where to begin?

Preamble: I could NEVER make these lists exhaustive. They’re on the spot, so feel free to point out the GLARING oversights, because I’m sure they’ll happen.

Things I like about Glasgow:

* It’s a quirky old city with a lot of old buildings and a lot of history
* It’s in Scotland, and therefore in Europe, a.k.a. the centre of the world (not literally, but figuratively)
* It has an amazing theatre scene – you can go out an see a piece of new work pretty much any day of the year
* It’s full of pretty people; these pretty people have pretty accents
* You can get chips (fries) pretty much 24/7
* The coldest it gets is maybe -10 – that’s what they call “Britain’s Big Freeze” in the news headlines
* Its literary and theatre scenes are totally humble – oh look, that’s David Greig on the subway; oh, hey Alasdair Gray, what are you getting at Tesco? (That hasn’t happened yet – I wish)
* It can feel like a big city or a small town depending on where you choose to wander and when.
* You can walk pretty much anywhere, and if you can’t walk there, the buses and subway will get you anywhere.
* The University Campus looks like a fairytale

In Glasgow, You Can See…

* Girls dressed like Lady Gaga – meaning girls in their underwear, at plays, on the subway, etc.
* A lot of amazing architecture, most of which is older than Canada
* A ridiculous amount of West Highland Terriers (Westies. Nom Nom.)
* Babies being fed Irn Bru (Canadian equivalent = Mountain Dew) by the bottle
* Asians with thick Glaswegian accents (in a loving, not racist, way)
* A lot of USA Nail Salons, whatever that means
* More colours of track suits and sweat suits than you ever thought possible
* Darker fake tans than you ever thought imaginable
* Your favourite band, walking down the street
* You favourite writer, walking down the street
* As many cool European films as you want
* 12-year-olds drunk off their faces
* 14-year-olds in full tramp garb and makeup going out to clubs
* Girls wearing pantyhose as trousers
* Swans in the park
* Block-long lineups for karaoke night

Since Getting to Glasgow, I have Learned…

* How to live on my own
* What happens when the batteries in all of your fire alarms are dying at once
* What mould sickness feels like
* That vegan haggis is fucking delish
* Not to hang out at Edinburgh Haymarket station unless I decide to take up a heroin and/or cocaine habit, or to work for a dealer of said drugs
* That doing a Master’s is a lot of work
* That I am not, and do not wish to be, an academic
* That I can survive without a car
* That Vitamin D is crucial
* That I don’t understand as much of the Patter as I thought I did, especially during stressful situations
* That ‘tip’ means ‘a mess’, and ‘bathrooms’ are called ‘toilets’
* That I kind of love being called ‘hen’, ‘pet’, ‘poppet’, ‘love’, ‘dear’, ‘darling’, etc. by strangers
* Not to take the subway when the football’s on at Ibrox
* That I can carry a lot of weight all the way home and up four flights of stairs
* That humidity and me are mortal enemies
* That young kids can be intimidating as hell
* That writing is what I have to do with my life
* That I have yet to find the place where I feel I belong

So. Six months down and at least six more to go. This is the almost/maybe halfway point. I say ‘at least’ and ‘almost’ and ‘maybe’ because I have no – and I mean no – idea what I am going to do after I have my degree. I may stay in Glasgow for a wee bit, but unless I find an amazing job/get a play in the works with a company here, I don’t think I want to live here for a prolonged time. There’s something in me that says I don’t fit in here. That I can’t be 100% myself here. (And that I can’t eat as well as I’d hoped here). I love love love the city and I love love love my friends, but something’s missing.

Ideas? Well, maybe I’ll move to Bath. Why? I liked it when I was there for a day almost four years ago.

Otherwise, who knows?

- P.S. I will try to be better at updating this thing more often. It should be easier during the summer semester than it has been lately. Also, I will be in Edmonton from 29 March until 13 April, so let’s get together, aye? -